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Note: Discussions and information on this website are about general breast cancer issues and this website is not designed to give any specific advice concerning specific circumstances. It is important that professional medical advice be obtained before acting upon any of the information contained on this website.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

Dear Alice,

My husband is very supportive of my treatment. I had a bilateral mastectomy. He is there for me without me even having to ask. This was a great comfort - to have someone know to have something ready before you needed it. The problem that he is having is that I don't physically need much (if any) help anymore. I am sure he sees me do things on my own and though they are hard for me, I AM doing them. I guess it is survivor’s helplessness. He is not as much an integral part of my recovery (or so he thinks). How did your husband feel? What did you do to help him feel involved?

In a relationship you are there for you. It's just what you do. Other than assuring him that he still helps me emotionally every day and letting him come to Drs with me is there any other ways I can help him? I also realize we are past the shock stage where you deal with all the physical pain. We are far enough removed from the surgery that he may be entering the emotional pain world. I don't like that he feels this way but realize that this recovery for him is part of the process. Any and all advice, suggestions, or pearls of wisdom you have would be a blessing. Now it is my turn to help him.

Love you, love your new website, and LOVE the f-book posts! Thank you for your support and advice.

~Surviving in Columbus

Dear Surviving in Columbus,

Well First of all, I'm going to forward this to Richard, my husband, so that he can respond in his own way.

My point of view is a couple of things. When you are dealing with a cancer diagnosis the patients and loved ones really are dealing with a body that betrayed them. Would your mind have ever allowed you to get cancer? Intellectually, it just doesn't compute. So for those that love you, it's even harder because their worst fears are realized in you and the only thing that they can do is offer their help...right? So when you don't need help, there is no outlet for them to express (or project) their emotions. Sometimes the actual going through treatment is the easiest part because you're in the thick of things. Now everything that you prepared to get through is over so to speak. But really it's just beginning. It's harder because in some awkward way there seemed to be "safety" in being in treatment. Now there's "nothing to protect you." Now it's like "What the hell do I do now." and this emotion is as real for the caregiver as it is for the patient. Now that there is time to breathe...all the what ifs come into his head. Doing things for yourself means normal for you but for him it means that you don't need him. When I was in treatment, I completely allowed my husband to takeover that which was important to me.....I'll let him finish the rest.....

Dear Surviving in Columbus,

I feel like I am reading my own story through your eyes - I could not agree more with what you have felt. Breast cancer is a personal disease but along the lines there is family that also shares the ride.

It is an emotional and physical journey that you undergo, and I found that a husband cannot ask what can be done - he merely does it without prompting. As you said, the initial distress has passed and your support group starts to form the line. I imagine you turned away numerous requests of "let me know if you need anything...." as YOU began to recover. Your husband assumed a new role.....

Husbands are not necessarily the type to nurture, but I found myself in a mother's role. I felt like Alice was merely experiencing growing pains due to the strength that she showed - a strength you have from what I am reading in your e-mail. You became very independent entering treatment and probably distanced yourself from your husband and others, though no fault of your own. I was "Mom" letting Alice find her way.

Independence is not pushing all others away - it is having the ability to stand up for that which you believe. You always had your safety net in your husband. "Silent support' was not a phrase with which I easily indentified until we had our own experience with breast cancer. There was so much I did, and so much more I wanted to do, but after a point I hindered her recovery. She needed to get back to her normal life but I handicapped her by not allowing that.

To your point: I married a strong woman. I saw a strong woman temporarily weakened. The woman I married is now back - I will always remember the time I spent with her while she was weakened and what I did to help her, but now I relish having back the strong woman I married.

~Richard

Send Alice your comments and updates...

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Intellectualizing Your Decisions!

Intellectualize decisions about treatment that will impact the rest of your life!

Educating yourself and giving yourself time to explore your feelings about the "what-if's" will lead to better decisions should a diagnosis of breast cancer occur.

Awareness with Attitude!

You are the only one who lives with you 24 hours a day. You know what you can live with ... and without ...

You have something that is unique to you ... and only you ... and that is ... your background, your experience, your life ... your perspective.

It takes courage to believe that what and how you feel is important.

We offer support to women and their caregivers so that they can access the vast resources available for them - not only through treatment - but well into survivorship.

Community Outreach Committee member Shirley Blanton with

Breast Health Fashion Show keynote speaker Alice Krumm

sporting a t-shirt with the title of her address.

COMMUNITY OUTREACH UPDATE

Timothy Phillips, RN, BA

October was a fantastic month for the Community Outreach Committee. On October the 3rd, we provided our 3rd Annual Breast Health Fashion Show at the Makoy Center in Hilliard. Approximately 170 guests attended the event.

Keynote speaker was Alice Krumm, RN, BSN, MS, CNOR, breast cancer survivor. Her topic was "Yes they're fake...the real ones tried to kill me".

Liz Weinandy, MPH, RD, LD provided an inservice on Nutrition and Breast Health. Jaci Holland, RNC, CRNP spoke on the topic of "Early Detection and Prevention" and also taught self-breast examination. The audience was extremely involved in all of the topics. A buffet lunch was served and several door prizes were given away. The event ended with a spectacular fashion show sponsored by Macy's. The models strutting their stuff were all breast cancer survivors. Our thanks to all who participated and assisted in putting this wonderful program together.

The Community Outreach Committee collected gift cards/donations for our Holiday Family in care of the Columbus Cancer Clinic. If writing a check, please make it out to the Columbus Cancer Clinic. Donations can be given to any Community Outreach Committee Member or mailed to the Columbus Cancer Clinic.